If Only Tears Could Bring You Back (Revised)
by ShadeAngel
Summary: Heero loses the one he loves. Yaoi. I revised this for Kate Maxwell. Thanks for the advice!


If Only Tears Could Bring You Back   
(REVISED) 

Disclaimer: I don't own G-Wing or any of the bishies in it.   
Warning: Angst, shounen ai, 2x5, 2x5   
Description: Heero thinks about his losing Duo.   


I stare up at the ceiling, trying to hold back tears that threatened to escape. I am Heero Yuy. I am the perfect soldier. I have no emotion. I am a weapon...Dammit! Who'm I kidding I still love him, and nothing was going to change that. I wasn't the perfect soldier anymore, not since Duo had come into my life. 

My beautiful Duo... 

My eyes narrow as I now glare up at the ceiling. He's not my Duo anymore, I thought bitterly. I mean how could he just drop me like that? After all we had been through? After all we had done together? How could he have just left me? I had thought that he had loved me. I know I loved him with all my heart. Does Duo take a relationship so lightly? Was I just a good fuck? Does he just sleep with someone to say that he slept with them? 

Well, I don't. When I fell in love with Duo, it was forever. Not a few weeks or months, but for the rest of my life.   


_[How will I start_   
_Tomorrow without you here_   
_Whose heart will guide me_   
_When all the answers disappear___

_Is it too late_   
_Are you too far gone to stay_   
_This one's forever_   
_Should never have to go away]_

//FlLASHBACK//   
"I'm sorry Hee-chan," Duo was saying sadly. "I-Ive found someone else."   
I stared uncomprehending at my koi as he continued. "I know this is a bit sudden, but I just can't help the way I feel. I hope you understand." 

"I understand," I said, schooling my features into an expression of cold indifference.   
Of course I didn't understand! Hadn't Duo shared my bed for the last six months? Didn't that mean anything to the braided beauty? It meant everything to me. I wouldn't have slept with Duo if I had have known that the American wasn't as serious about their relationship. I don't take emotions lightly. I have gone too long without any. 

Duo stood hesitantly, intending to leave. I touched his hand briefly and Duo looked down at me, his expression questioning. 

"Who is it?" I asked simply, even though it was killing me. I had to know who had stolen Duo's heart. 

"Wufei" Duo walked away without another word, leaving me sitting stunned on the couch. 

Wufei? Duo had left me for Wufei? WUFEI?! Our comrade, Wufei? The pilot of Shenlong? I shook my head. Wufei would never do that to me. He was so honorable and self-righteous. Wufei wouldn't do something like steal his friend's lover. 

Suddenly I began to remember a few things. Small things, but they were there none the less. How Wufei would look at Duo. How the Chinese boy always treated Duo just a little bit better than the rest of us. And how Wufei would touch Duo sometimes, fleetingly, as if by accident. 

Clenching my eyes shut, I felt an unfamiliar prickle behind my lids. Why hadn't I seen it before now? Wufei had been in love with Duo since before I had approached the braided boy. 

My eyes snapped open. Had Duo been in love with Wufei all along and only stayed with me because he thought that Wufei didn't like him?   
//END FLASHBACK//__

_[What will I do_   
_You know I'm only half without you_   
_How will I make it through___

_If only tears could bring you back to me_   
_If only love could find a way_   
_What I would do, what I would give_   
_If you returned to me someday_   
_Somehow, someway_   
_If your tears could bring you back to me.]_

I swallowed the lump that had formed in the back of my throat. If Duo didn't want me than I shouldn't still want Duo. But my heart just wouldn't listen to my head. I was still just as in love with Duo today as I had been in love with him two days ago. The only difference now was I didn't have anyone. 

I rolled over on my side as I felt sleep begin to descend upon me. 

*** 

"Hee-ro! Hee-ro!" 

I stumbled as I heard that familiar voice. I spun around and came face to face with her. 

She was young, about six or seven. Her long honey blond hair was held in a loose ponytail at the nap of her neck. A huge wide-brimmed hat was perched on her head, causing half her face to be hidden by shadow. I heard a small growl and my horrified gaze fell to the small puppy that she held by a leash. 

"You killed me Heero! No one could love you! Not Duo, not anyone." She giggled; a soft almost high pitched sound, that held no humor. I felt the tears again come to my eyes. 

I bolted straight up in bed. I looked around, disoriented from the dream. I glanced over at the pillow that lay next to mine. Duo had slept there. There was still a slight indent in the pillow from where he had lay his head. I sighed and lay back down, running my fingers over the pillow. 

I had once woke up from a night mare when we had first started sleeping in the same bed. Duo had woke when he had felt me bolt up in bed. After he had figured out what had happened Duo had held me in his arms, whispering comfortingly in my ear. God, how I missed that. 

_[I'd cry you an ocean_   
_If you'd sail on home again_   
_Wings of emotion_   
_Will carry you, I know they can___

_Just light will guide you_   
_And your heart will chart the course_   
_Soon you'll be drifting_   
_Into the arms of your true north]_

I watch as Duo and Wufei teased each other back and forth. It's been a week since Duo broke up with me. The only one who seems to notice me anymore is Quatre. He glances over at me every few minutes, a pained expression masking his cherubic face. Some how I think he knows how I'm feeling. Though how that's possible I don't know. 

I give the blond a reassuring look. Trying to convince the Sandrock pilot that I was all right when I wasn't sure I was all right. 

I return to gazing at the love of my life. Even though he's with someone else I still love him. He appears truly happy with Wufei. He seems to bask in the attention that Wufei is dotting upon him. How can I compete with that? How can I compete with the absolute adoration that Wufei is now showing Duo? 

I never treated Duo like that when we were around someone. I was always glaring at him and calling him a baka. I'll never be good enough to have Duo back. 

I stand quickly and leave the room. Afraid that the tears that I have been holding back for the last week will escape. 

_[Look in my eyes_   
_And you will see a million tears have gone by_   
_And still they're not dry___

_If only tears could bring you back to me_   
_If only love could find a way_   
_What I would do, what I would give_   
_If you returned to me someday_   
_Somehow, some way_   
_If my tears could bring you back to me]_

I flopped out onto my bed much the same way as Duo often had. I sighed. Everything seems to remind me of Duo lately. I have to get away from him. Away from these feelings that threatened to drown me. 

I stood up and moved over to my desk. Pulling out a piece of paper I begin to write. 

Dearest Duo   
I understand now that you never loved me and that is why I must go. I watch as you and Wufei laugh and play together and yearn for something I will never have again. When I gave my heart to you I meant it to be forever, and so it will be. I am truly sorry that I was not good enough to make you happy. Please, for me, have a truly happy life.   
Ai shiteru, Duo, from now until eternity.   
Heero 

I left the letter on Duo's desk and than took off in my gundam without a second glance. The others don't need me; they could take care of themselves. I am now alone. I felt the tears begin again and this time didn't try to hold them back. I let them course down my face as I soar through the air, watching as the sun slowly sank on the horizon. 

*** 

"Sir, I have Wing Gundam in my sights." The young officer turned to face his commander. "Shall I attack?" 

The grizzled commander nodded, hand against his cheek in an attempt to relieve the remembered pain. He had been at the Lake Victoria base when pilot 01 had attacked. His command console had exploded sending white hot metal splinters into his cheek. "Attack at will." 

*** 

I saw the two blasts of light speeding towards me, I didn't block, but neither did I welcome them. "Ai shiteru Duo..." Then my world exploded. 

_[I hold you close_   
_And shout the words I only whispered before_   
_For one more, for one last dance_   
_There's nothing that I would not give you___

_If only tears could bring you to me_   
_If only love could find a way_   
_What I would do, what I would give_   
_If you returned to me someday_   
_Somehow, somway_   
_If my tears could bring you back to me]_

***   
Shade_Angel   
I revised! I think it is sooo much better now. Not that it's that good now. I changed it to first person and I added a ton of stuff. The dream and other such nonsense. Anyway, I did this for Kate Maxwell. Thanks for the e-mail and the review. I hope you like this copy more. 

Again, this is dedicated to DragonSoul. I still hate the pairing 2x5. Now don't get your panties in a bunch. I'm not making this kind of fic a habit. I find 2x5 worse than death fics. I'd probably call her up on the telephone right now to tell her about the new and improved fic if it wasn't for that she's on the dammed net from the time she gets home until the time she goes to bed. Enough of my rants. G'night all! 


End file.
